Issun's Comedy Night
by Fudgefeather
Summary: Join Issun as he attempts to bring Ponc'Tan to its knees in laughter... and continually fails. Ah, well, at least we can laugh at the embarrassment of Ushiwaka, Isshaku, and others as they find themselves on the receiving end of his humor... Possible bashing of several Demon Lords, Waka, Isshaku, The Beatles, heck, even Ammy... But since it's Issun, it's all in good fun... right?


**AN: I actually stopped work on this for a while and forgot about it... Then one night, Senom suddenly asks me if I was the one writing this, and when I respond, "Yes," she tells me to finish it. So I do. Here you are Senom. Just to satisfy you. And Dogzii. Because I KNOW she wanted this as well.**

**Sorry this isn't as funny as you'd like; the majority of the routines were thought up a while ago (Seeing as I still thought Yami was a SEAL), and I'm not good at on-the-spot comedy like this. The first routine was reffed from an actual comedy routine, and I cannot claim it as my own, but please do not complain. Without that routine getting stuck in my head, there would be no Issun's Comedy Night. Also, I have nothing against the Beatles. Their music is wonderful. I simply made up that joke and put it in here because it was funny.**

**...I do hope you can at least have one laugh in this... ^^; Like I said, though I may be good at sheer crack, comedy routines... are not my strength.**

* * *

Tonight was a night long awaited for among the Poncles. Not only were Amaterasu and Ushiwaka, legendary heroes that they were, going to be there, not only was Isshaku, the Sixth Envoy and perhaps the greatest, in attendance, but Issun, Seventh Celestial Envoy, was returning home for one night, one night to merely tell jokes. It was known throughout the community as… Issun's Comedy Night.

"You know, I know that that guy Waka is here tonight, but I just want to say… he comes off as kinda arrogant for my liking at times ya know?" Issun said to start the night. Ushiwaka promptly stood up from his seat, but Ammy pulled him back down, hushing him.

"But I found a good way to mess with him. The next time you ask him where he's from, act like you've never heard of it. He gets _SO_ mad!"

The Moon Tribish prophet turned just slightly red and sank lower in his seat, avoiding Ammy and Isshaku's amused looks. "Like, hey, that's a nice accent, where are you from? 'I'm from the Moon!'" Issun explained, imitating the Moon Tribesman's accent to a t. This did not help Ushiwaka's embarrassment. "I think his accent is the only accent in the world you can't say without making a retarded face every time you do it!" Issun exclaimed, continuing on. "You know, 'I'm from the Moon!' I'm sorry, where? 'THE MOON.'"

Everyone in Ponc'tan was laughing at this by now, because it was just so ridiculous that they just couldn't help it. "I've never heard of it. '_The moon?_ Disk in the nighttime sky, changes sizes every month or so?' My only question is, is that near Kamiki?"

Even Ammy was laughing uproariously now, because that question was so stupidly OBVIOUS. "'THE MOON, YOU PEA APPARITON. We are speaking the same language.' I'm speaking Japanese. I don't know what you're speaking right now. It's like, half-bakish, or something."

Ushiwaka now looked on the verge of embarrassed tears, so Issun quickly changed his subject. "Ya know, many of you think you have bad bosses, right?"

Many of the Poncles nodded, some rather reluctantly, for fear of boss retribution. "You probably argue, get threats of being fired, never get a raise, right?" More Poncles nodded. "Well, I can do a one-up on you. My boss has EATEN me."

Ammy nodded from her seat while several Poncles snickered at the thought of Issun being dinner. "And we're best friends! Who needs enemies when your best friend is like that, ya know?"

More snickering, and the wolf goddess of the sun looked rather pleased. "I mean, that's suicide material right there! 'My best friend has attempted to eat me'. If half the people at 'Suicidal Anonymous' heard that story, they'd give up, because their lives can't be that bad."

Silence. Issun decided he should change the subject yet again. "You all know my beloved sword, Denkomaru, right? How precious of a gift, ya know? It's from my granddad, it's got a paintbrush attached… but you ever wonder HOW I got it?"

Isshaku groaned, giving Ammy a long-suffering look that indicated he had heard this joke before and didn't like it. "'Here, son, for your fifteenth birthday…' WOW A PAINTBRUSH SOCOOL I SHALL NAME IT DENKOMAR- OW!"

There was a light snickering from the Poncles; they knew all too well how characteristic it would be of Issun to fail at something like that. "'…It's a sword, be careful with it.' No kidding. Ow."

Issun apparently lacked the knowledge of a little something called "comedic timing", because once again, everyone was silent. Either that or he just really needed to learn when to shut up, which actually wouldn't be a bad idea anyways. "…You know, Yami. You've heard a lot about him. 'Oh, big bad guy who tried to kill Ammy, yeah! Giant… hand… thing…' Well… Not quite so."

All the Poncles listened eagerly, intent on finding out what he was. "Well, I got some information from Ammy, and as it turns out, the Emperor of Eternal Baddies seems to be, in my opinion, a wittle itty-bitty baby seal~"

Total, complete, absolute silence. And then, uproarious laughter, straight from the heart, as it dawned on the Poncles how absolutely ridiculous that seemed. "Yeah- yeah, I know, right?" Issun said, laughing himself. "I can just imagine Ammy and Waka's reaction on seeing him, this giant thing and then suddenly, out from the center… 'All- arf! – Hail – arf! Yami – arf! – Emperor – arf! – of all darkness- arf! STUPID – arf! – SPEECH IMPEDIMENT- arf!'"

Total silence reigned once again before uproarious laughter. Even Ushiwaka was smiling and laughing a little, something he had not been able to do the entire night. "Yep, it was so ridiculous, Waka fell of the platform laughing! Ammy nearly died laughing! 'IT'S – arf! – NOT – arf! – FUNNY- ARF!'"

Indeed, even now, Ammy seemed to nearly be dying of laughter, rolling over the floor and slapping it with her hand, eyes filled with tears she was laughing so hard. "They totally shouldn't have killed him, ya know? They could've brought him back to the Celestial Plain with them. Would've made great entertainment. 'Hello, welcome to the Plains~!'"

With that, Issun pulled out a set of seal horns and beeped a number of them at random while pretending to be Yami. The image was so ridiculous even Ushiwaka burst into more uproarious laughter. "I can see him being a bit of a nuisance though. Like, while half-baked is trying to steer the ship back. 'Yark!' "Yes, this is an Ark.'"

Ushiwaka slumped half over, trying to figure out what the Poncle was getting at. "'….YARK!' 'YES, I told you, it IS an Ark!' '…..YARK YARK YARK-' 'I. KNOW. IT. IS. AN. ARK.'"

Total, complete, absolute silence reigned once again. Ammy didn't seem to like this. "…I don't think that's his problem, Ushi-chan…"

The meaning behind her words was clear enough, at least to the Poncles gathered there, and they fell to the floor with laughter.

* * *

Somewhere, far above on the Celestial Plain, inside the fabled Ark of Yamato, Yami twitched. "I feel like I'm being mocked somewhere…" he murmured, head rising from where it had rested against a giant, fluffy kitsune. The kitsune also raised his head. "I wouldn't worry about it, Master," Kyûbi said finally, head resting back on the floor. After a few moments of silence, Yami's head settled back against the kitsune as well, trying to fall asleep again.

* * *

"Speaking of Demon Lords, you can't forget another certain pair. They live on Ezofuji, Lechku and Nechku, okay?" Issun said, introducing the next pair of persons he intended to mock. "They are sooooooooo Britishly proper. 'I say, would you care for a spot of tea?' 'I say not, brother, there seems to be a pair of crazy white wolfs down there.' 'Ah, I say, and I was so hoping for tea.' 'I say, brother, I was, too, I fear.'"

Beside Ammy, Isshaku was paling and seeming to go into early stages of hyperventilating. "Well, it was so dang hilarious, poor Shiranui… fell off the cliff-side, couldn't stop laughing, banged her head on the rocks. That's certainly not something they teach you in schools, folks."

At first, the Poncles seemed reluctant to laugh, perhaps worried this was offending Amaterasu, but with one look at her smiling, snickering face, they too laughed. Ushiwaka had to rush over to rub Isshaku's back to prevent him from fainting at such words from his grandson, now the _Celestial Envoy_ of all people… "Suddenly, up over the mountain, comes another figure… DANGIT YOU! WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG! 'Eh? Sorry. I was getting popcorn. Ammy said this'd be good. Nom.'"

Isshaku buried his face in his hands to hide his embarrassment.

"One of the things that I can honestly say ANNOYS me more than ANYTHING… being mistaken for a bug," Issun said, head shaking sadly. There was silence again as the Poncles thought over this. Apparently it was a touchy subject for everyone. "Everywhere I go, 'Oh, it's that nice green bug!' I'M AN ENVOY. 'Oh, look, it's the Envoy bug!'"

He snorted, before continuing. "Honestly, some day, a bunch of four confused Poncles in possession of a Lucky Mallet in a foreign country are going to start a band. And ya know what they'll call it? The Beatles."

For once, the proposition of their relatively small height amused the Poncles, and they snorted into fits of compulsive laughter. "Even Ammy thought I was a bug once. All I was trying to do was save her innocence, ya know, protect her from the prophet…"

Isshaku, who had been gradually recovering from the jab at himself, rose to his feet. "I think you chose the wrong person to protect!" he hollered, a strange light glowing in his eyes. It was now Ushiwaka's turn to bury his face in his hands. "…Well, imagine my shock seeing her sleeping next to him… I was all, AMMY! WHAT'RE YOU DOING! And, of course, being the noble person I am, I jumped up there to try and get her away… Unfortunately, my trajectory never was good in the dark, and as you well know, Ammy LOVES her food…"

Ammy started staring at Issun, face darkening as she seemed to realize what was going on. Ushiwaka looked up in horror, before deciding his face was best kept in his hands. Issun imitated a coughing sound. "'Ack- Ushiwaka- I think I swallowed a fly!'"

Snickers from those Poncles who didn't know any better or who had the odd sense of humor Isshaku did. And then… "So it was YOU!"

"RUN, ISSUN, RUN!" Isshaku shouted, egging his grandson on, wincing as he saw Ammy chasing him down, screaming at him to "GET BACK HERE SO I CAN POWERSLASH THAT IDIOTIC GRIN OFF YOUR FACE!"


End file.
